HWC's Diary. Read it at your peril.

January 2001

		17th or so And so, I'm back. Huzzah, huzzah, as silly old Sleipy would say. It's been so long I don't know where to start. Had a wonderful Xmas down in Wellington. First time all my siblings and my parents (with assorted spouses and children) have been together for Xmas for about 10 years. Kids galore (12 to be exact) and 12 adults made for quite a party. As I said, we hadn't all been together for a long time so much fun was had by all. Of course, Xmas in the NZ is in the middle of summer, which is the proper time for Christmas. All this snow and icicle bullshit is completely wrong. Xmas is for playing cricket on the beach, or football in the park (both of which we did mind you). It continually amazes me how few people in the Northern Hemisphere actually appreciate that the seasons are opposite. Even many of my colleagues (and they are meant to be educated people) keep on forgetting. When reminded (gently and politely) they continue to express surprise. Silly buggers. Still, not as bad as the moving company who moved all our stuff from Los Angeles to New Zealand .....er ..... in....er....1994 I think it was. Hi says the mover. Hi says me. Where'ya going?, says the mover. New Zealand, says me. (Short silence). You gonna drive or fly?, asks the mover. (Another short silence). I think we'll fly, says me. Yeah, says the mover, it must take a LONG time to drive, I bet. Yeah, says me. End of conversation. I kid you not, this really happened. You know, it's not the changes in the seasons that is most disconcerting, it is the way the sun moves across the sky. When in the south, the sun moves right to left as you look at it. In the north, it moves the opposite way. Gets me every time. There's a fascinating story to do with this in the writings of Herodotus, about the circumnavigation of Africa by the Phoenicians. Well, anyway. After eating too much in Wellington it was off to the US again. Rochester, then New Orleans, then Ann Arbor. And it was *still* cold there. Real snow and all. Not much choice but to stay inside and do some work. Stayed with the notorious David in Rochester. I passed on the whiskey, 'cause I really wasn't in the mood, so we had some genteel beers instead. He and Nicki have two dogs that think they are people. David and Nicki think they are people too. You know, call me weird, but I do believe that animals are animals, and people are people. Dogs are not children (although children can sometimes resemble dogs). Animals live outside, people live inside. People sleep in beds, animals don't. There are some people that are welcome to lick me anytime, anywhere. But dogs are not. Unfortunately some dog owners get a little confused about all this. A few years ago people lived with their animals, with their sheep and cows, with their chickens and dogs. They also had fleas, ticks, lice, and all sorts of nasty diseases. I don't want the insect life, and I don't want to live with animals. Dogs are working animals, not bosom pals. End of story. Ugh. New Orleans was rather charming in a way. Lovely houses in some areas (and typical US slums elsewhere). Bourbon street was touristy but fun. Went (of course) to Preservation Hall, but was a bit disappointed in the music there. Jamil Sharif was playing, and he ain't Dixie. No way. Played all the Dixie standards in a sort of pseudo-modern style. Sounded a little weird. Then went off to listen to some loud Zydeco. Fun, fun, but didn't have a really wild time. Nobody to be wild with I fear. I was with an old friend, but he's not exactly a party animal. And nobody else even bothered to come. Boring. Being degenerate is best done in like-minded company. Then you can share both the stories and the diseases. Then on to Ann Arbor. Good to see old friends again. Spent one night in the studio doing some stuff for my old band. They are bringing out their fourth CD and wanted me to appear on it, even if only briefly. So I recorded a silly song about a squashed cat in the road. Ahem. Spent two days working hard in the department at U. Mich; had lots of committee work and a couple of talks. Not the most exciting two days of my life. And finally, back home to summer. Back to fixing up the boat. And my parents are visiting, which is neato. Have to all go fishing and catch a whale.

		Clan Lord. Yes, well. It has managed to piss me off yet again. I am now even weaker than I was before I left. Comparatively that is. Tried the third circle test again, and did much worse at it than I did before Xmas. Before, I could get the big brown Orga thingy to low yellow, while being green myself. Then I would run out of time. Now, I get to low red with the Orga thingy on green. I give up. No more circle tests for Sleipy. Even worse, it now appears that any new PF trainer will be beyond Wisher's Gate. This imposes a severe penalty on anyone who clans during off-peak hours. Essentially, unless I make the effort to clan at a bad time Sleipy will never get to see past WG. During my regular clanning time that will just never happen. And maybe worst of all is the down-grading of Loovma. This really hits me hard. Yeah, yeah, I know that DT doesn't give a shit about whether I like it or not. Worf puts it very well. In the struggle to keep the game balanced for the power players DT make the game practically unplayable for low to medium players like me. I must admit to being quite discouraged, and rapidly losing interest. Nowadays it is hard to find reasons to clan. I miss Baba. I miss a whole pile of old friends. And there are so many fools. *sigh*. And I am so perfect. Well, the less said about that, the better.
				To the left we see Sleipy buying a drink at Puck's. He actually got in quite a while ago, but only recently took a picture. To the right we see what happens when Sleipy explores Fire Island on his lonesome, which he does rather often. Just for the hell of it.

					Wormy joins the RQ. Hooray hooray. He is a great exile and will do us all proud. Now lets hope he doesn't change his mind once he finds out how pathetic the RQ really is.
				Buggered if I know what this beastie is. Hits hard though. Probably smells bad too. The one below got too close to Althea I think. It could be a Pogue Mahone rat.
							Poor Mila. But this is now a matter of official record. She may scream, but it will be in vain.

23rd or so

				Obviously I whine too much. No sooner have I bitched and moaned about the third circle test than I pass it. Holy shit. DT really slipped up there, letting Sleipy advance. All the GMs must have been asleep or something. All started when Sleipy stole clan funds to buy a greatsword. He may even pay it back. One day. Maybe. But at any rate, with his nifty new GS, the test turned out to be a rather trivial matter. Once he could actually hit the Orga thingy he got through still green. So now, continuing with Swengus training, and then as much Troilus as I have the patience to get. Probably these two trainers will take up the next RL year, or until the new PF trainer is found.

		To all ye, my very best friends, greetings. And know ye now that there have transpired certain events in this our fair Isle that have caused my head to spin for joy, that have caused my knees to shake in their sockets, that have shortened my breath and dimmed my vision, that have spun stars across the firmament of my tiny mind and uplifted this humble Knight unto the very gates of Paradise itself. What be these events ye may well ask. But my lips be sealed. I cannot say. But be sure that I be now the happiest Knight that e'er did tread these verdant shores. It be not easy to lock my tongue within the prison of my mouth, saying little but thinking much, but there be certain exiles (A***** and M***** in most particular) who have already caused such harm to me and mine that I did well-nigh sink under the waves of misfortune. Given timely opportunity they will rejoice to do the same again, if not worse, and this I would avoid, an I may.
				Name and address witheld for community safety.

		And in my new good mood, let me do something I've been thinking about for a while, which is to comment on the surprisingly large number of nice exiles there are. I whine a lot here, yes I know, but actually there are very many exiles who are excellent company. Some I don't know all that well, but just say a quick word in passing; some I talk to a little more, although, to be honest, Sleipy is not really the sociable type, mostly because I am not really either. Odesseus, Bizob, Kodo, and Perkusi. Obviously other RQ types (including all those, like Manx, who left) and the Knights. Urgelt and Elenis. Axell. Thuja (although Sleipy hates Thuja bitterly, I think she is a lovely person. I always feel a bit guilty when Sleipy is so mean to her). Rieger. Dandelion. Looloo. Worf of course. (And, yes, I'm still alive, with a new outboard motor and all. Just spent a couple of days sailing and fishing after I got home). Sten. Charlos. Norm. Lundar. Yor. Tater. Trystran D'Ark. Arteress Lai. Behr. Biff. Shamhat par excellence. Nyssa and Polygon. Yazza. Isis and Afrit. Chum of course (gotta put him in so Sleipy can get a bit more GM favouritism). And, last but not least, the lovely Althea and Malkor, Prue and Luce. And that's me talking, NOT Sleipy. I'm sure I've left out many, but maybe I'll put you in as I think of it. In fact, when you think about it, the nice names far far outnumber the nasty ones (although the painful types have a greater ..... er..... presence I suppose. One certainly notices them more). Not bad for an online game really.

		Bands had a long hiatus over the Xmas period. Most of us were away overseas, which made gigs difficult. Come back to find the bad band has folded. I'll miss the cash, but I won't miss the music. Well, that's not entirely true, 'cause I'll miss playing Baba's pieces. They could be fun to do. Still, I'll keep on doing some of them. Did a demo tape for the jazz trio. It's quite a neat little outfit, that trio. On a good day we burn. On a bad day Peter gets shitfaced and falls over. So do I. Heh. Boat is all fixed up and working now. Took the kids fishing with Grandpa the other day. What fun. The day before I'd tried to but got caught out in the gulf by a bloody gale. Well, only about 25-30 knots, but that is plenty of wind for a 25 foot boat with two young kids on board. I was a wee bit nervous, but we made it back safely. Just as well.
		Hee Hee. No sooner do I say this than the weather comes out all beautiful so I went out again. With the whole famn damily this time. Perfect winds, perfect weather, what fun. I should have been working. And I didn't even have to sail my raft and get rescued. A big wave to Worf and Shamhat, and an apology for not coming by NY during my wee trip. Just didn't have the time. But I will, I will. As long as Donna promises not to take my photograph and put it on the web. Which brings up another issue, that of privacy. Worg really tried to do something good with his ICQ and email list. But the fact is that he fucked up. Many people (myself included) just don't want our real names and/or personal emails published in such a common forum. He can wriggle and whine all he likes, but the fact remains. Anonymity is very important to many of us. He should just show a little strength of character, admit he fucked up, apologise to all concerned, and take the list down. Does he do that? NOOOO! Of course not! What red-blooded male would? Instead we get a string of self-serving justifications, of irrelevant sophistry, of wriggling cowardice. What is is with males that make them behave like this? It must be a hormonal thing. So many many many males are physiologically incapable of admitting they made a big mistake, and apologise. It makes one wonder. You see it in females every so often also, but far less. Ah well, if only everyone were as perfect as I am. Ahem.

		I knew I would forget important names in my list of nice exiles, but I never dreamed I would be stupid as to omit the most important of them all. Syndir. A big wave to Syndir. I fucked up. I apologise. I'm sorry. (See, it doesn't hurt all that much). He being merely Sleipy's oldest friend in the game, for longer even than Babajaga. One of Sleipy's closest friends, someone he can always rely on for help, for a kind word, for sympathy. And, of course, for mockery (moo), which makes me laugh. I first met Syndir when I had been playing for only about a week or so I guess. Can't remember the exact time, probably round about v. 36 or so. He inspired me in many, many ways, and was one of the links that kept me playing the game at first. My very very first character was called Philoctetes. Long time before Sleipy existed. But, to be honest, I was very nervous about playing an online game. Talking to real people was just the weirdest thing, and very disconcerting. And then he did lots of stupid things (as I am prone to do) and got cursed. I'm so used to bad karma now that it is easy to forget how much it bothered me when I first got some. And it really did. Bothered me so much I stopped playing for a long time. It was only boredom that made me try CL again. So I made the Knight with the speech defect. Meeting Syndir did an awful lot to show me that one could meet pleasant people in an online game, not just wankers. And then, of course, Sleipy met Baba and the rest is history.

The end of January

		An interesting comment from Kira on Hotline the other day. What, she said, you didn't have a ragey time in New Orleans? You must have been at a retirement village! Once I had stopped laughing I slapped her down more nicely than she deserved. But there are some facts of life that I guess she isn't aware of, so I should perhaps have been even kinder and gentler. You see, the unpleasant truth is that, when you are 18 years old, and female and cute it is very very easy to go out to a bar and get laid. Really, it is. Trust me. If you don't believe me, try it (assuming you satisfy the requirements. Not that I know Kira is cute, mind you, but I strongly suspects she is. She certainly *sounds* like it.) However (and this is the unpleasant bit) when you're 87 years old, male and decidedly *not* cute, it is a little more difficult. Actually, a lot more difficult. Trust me on this too. I know. A sad observation on life indeed.
		Silly old Sleipy sold his greatsword. I couldn't believe it, the pathetic twit. He got it into his head that Astrid was questioning his honour, in saying that she thought clan funds should not be used for such purchases. So, nothing would do but he return the money immediately, and that meant selling the sword. Of course, to get a quick sale he put it out for sale for only what he needed to pay the clan back. Only 6 bloody thousand. Fuck. Sale was quick, as you can imagine. And now Sleipy is back to zero in the bank, having given his entire life's savings to Alcon, in the shape of a brand spanking new greatsword. And Sleipy is back to not being able to hit tree giants, or wyrms, or Noths, or Noids, or anything really. Well, it was fun while it lasted. Sometimes, that Knight really pisses me off. He insists I include the picture on the right as proof. So there it is. The other picture is Sleipy trying to sell a GS to Alcon, and losing his pants instead. Ho Ho Ho. Serves the stupid bastard right.
		I often find myself dragged away from CL at interesting times. Which makes me sometimes feel a little guilty (well, not much) having to leave friends in the lurch. But with three kids and a wife it can be hard to get lengthy clanning time. In fact, it's sometimes hard to get any clanning time at all. A weekend in the life: Friday: Didn't go into work today 'cause I'm a lazy bugger, and I had band practice in the morning anyway. Across the bridge in town, with Lynn and Herschal. Lovely people, but as *strange* as they come. And I really do mean strange. But lots of talent. They started off the Nairobi Trio many years ago. Doesn't mean anything to any readers here, but it means a lot to me, so put up with it and quit whining. Then took the kids to the zoo in the afternoon (end of the summer holidays coming up). Carried the four year old around on me bloody back half the time, looking at the moronic giraffes. Sea lions stink of fish. And a rhinoceros urinates in a stream that shoots directly out the back like a water hose. Kids love that kind of stuff. Made their day, seeing the rhino piss. Friday evening had to dash into work and make CD copies of my jazz trio's latest effort. Finally get home, sit down at the computer, start to play, say hi to Wormy, and he drags me off to the bloody rocky cavern to fan a sun wyrm. I think this was Friday, anyway. Can't exactly remember. Anyway, no sooner do I get there and start fanning the wyrm than one of the Baffs (either Baff or Baffette) says "share slipner?" (sic). Ugh. I just hate that. Sleipy has good reasons for not sharing with PM wankers, and he ain't gonna. Especially when they ain't healing him, or helping him, and not strictly necessary to the whole enterprise. Fuck that. So Sleipy bugged out of there pronto. Easier than arguing. Then of course I was called upstairs to do something (make the bed I think it was) by which time I was too tired to bother going back. Study time again, and no real hunting with Wormy. Saturday: Two gigs today, one on Waiheke, one up north, so left at lunchtime to catch the ferry out. Parking is a pain in the arse. Town is full of dickheads, all very thin and dressed in black, being pretentious wankers at expensive coffee shops. I'm just jealous, 'cause I'm not thin. Didn't get back home till well after midnight. The second gig was (of all bloody things) a Christian Youth Camp. Bugger me. Very very tempting to shock them all with a well-timed "fuck" at an opportune moment. But then I though of the fat fee they were paying me, and desisted. I'm such a nice guy. Logged on to CL when I got home, but can't remember much of what I did. Didn't play for long anyway. When I play after a gig I'm usually totally knackered and not good company. Do I care? No. Sunday: Clan meeting in the morning. Actually get there for once, sit and chat for ages before we finally head off to Noth. Of course, no sooner do we get there then I'm called to do jobs or something. We had to go and buy stuff. Somewhere. Shopping. Ugh. So I had to zap away from what promised to be a fun time. Bugger. Beach in the afternoon with the kids. And then I got to clan for a decent time that night. Big talk to Teeny brain. All started when Sleipy decided to try and collect the bounty on Malkor's corpse......... But I'll finish this story tomorrow perhaps. It just keeps getting funnier and funnier. Nice to get back at Malkor for all the horrible horrible things he's done to Sleipy.