HWC's Diary. Read it at your peril.

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November 9th

Ah well, I gave up pretty quickly. Not playing CL seemed a bit pointless after a while. I'd finish my work for the day, usually at around 10 pm or so while Monique's at work, and then... what to do.. .what to do...? Usually I'd just play CL for a bit, hang about, get a few coins, chat a little. But I had said I wasn't going to, so I couldn't. Silly, really. So I didn't for a while. Then I just thought, fuck it, why the hell shouldn't I? So I did, once again.

I played a little over Halloween, but the Michaels of this world are a little hard to bear at that time, so I didn't play much.

		The Slyphonics gave an impromptu Feast of Tsirrin concert. Relatively well attended, and AnnGM did the bikini thing again, thank you thank you. Big hugs to Ann. I'll put some piccies up when I get them off my home computer. Maybe. Actually (and this is something that pleases me) the Slyphonics get a good reception whenever we do a show. The music is generally liked, and we manage to entertain well enough. A small enough thing in the general scheme of things, but enough to keep me happy. Doesn't take much. Iris, I am sure, was offended by Sleipy. Or by me, really, because Sleipy in the Slyphonics is mostly me, not the Knight. Sorry, Iris. I should have warned you to watch out for me. You expected Sleipy but got me instead. This had to be a shock.

All kinds of ructions on the NG. Sad to see. I don't think that HGM means harm, or means to make malicious comments. He just picks up some small part of a post, overinterprets it to the max, and then writes a smart-mouthed reply attacking the things he thought the person was saying (in his own overinterpretation). He seems to do this unconsciously, and is genuinely surprised when people take offence. He got Baba where she is sensitive. Made some ridiculous interpretation of her remarks, and in his smart reply hit on one of the only things that could really offend her. She blew up, of course. To be honest, HGM seems to have a thing about Baba, or against her, whatever. He seems to make almost no effort actually to understand what she is saying, but sets up a straw man instead and heads in viciously. He just did it again, in her post about the movie theatre. "What doors are closed?" he says, "We haven't closed any doors! You just want someone else to get you popcorn". Thereby completely ignoring the point she was trying to make. A good point, and a valid one. Mind you, the movie theatre analogy was maybe not the best possible, but Tove's point was quite clear to me.

The old PMF question raises its ugly head again. You know, there are all kinds of people in the world, and each has their counterpart in CL.

The 14-year-old male teenager, spotty face, one hand in his trousers, giving the finger to anyone he thinks he's safe from. We can all match that one to a CL player, can't we?

The serious, no-laughs, type. Awfully nice, but not exactly a whole lot of fun. Again, no names here, supply them yourself.

The leather-jacketed, black sunglasses, ultra-cool dude, who gives you the finger at the traffic lights, and zooms away at high speed shouting out "FUCK YOU ASSHOLE" as he goes. You know, Natas, Crow, et al.

The eternal whiner. Howdee, Michael.

The arrogant, opinionated snob, who just knows he is right all the time and tells everyone about it, whether they want to hear it or not. That's Sleipnir. OK, I admit it.

And finally, the sort of person who would never give you a ride home if you asked for one. Who would never lend you money. Who would never go out of their way to help someone at their own expense. Probably gets very rich, perfectly legally. And if ever asked to share they say "Hell no, why should I? You could get rich too, if you wanted to". And that, my friends, is the PMF, and therein lies the point of this whole ramble.

All of these are valid types of people. They all exist, and we are all forced to interact with them in RL to a certain extent. And they exist in CL too. No one way of playing CL is "right" or "wrong". The PMF style is not the antithesis of CL, I don't agree with Baba when she said that, but I don't think she actually meant that. That style is certainly the antithesis of the RQ way of playing CL, the antithesis of my own way of playing the game, the antithesis of Baba's style. When I come across a Crow, or a Natas, I just think to myself "fuckwit" and hit the ignore key. When people I like (such as Malkor) join the PMF, I feel a sense of disappointment that a good roleplayer sees fit to play that way. I have always been disappointed that Althea has. And these are, of course, entirely ooc judgements. (Sleipy hates the PMF for entirely different reasons, ones that I had to manufacture, as my ooc distaste at the way they play is so strong that I couldn't stomach interacting with them in-game.)

What sparked off this little rant? Well, the NG posts about the movie theatre, for one, and for two, Luney leaving the RQ. She was right to sense ooc discomfort. I certainly felt it. And no, it's not as simple as me liking or disliking you, Mary. I don't dislike you at all. Quite the reverse. But people you like can do things you deeply disapprove of, and this is the case here. I know you don't particularly care, or care at all, but this is, after all, my diary. Be rude to me on yours. I promise I'll read it.

I am still deeply in love with OS 10.1. Unix at last, in a useable form on the Mac. X windows programs running side by side with Mac apps. Compilers. Open Source software. Yay. This is just the coolest thing I could imagine in an OS. And .... ta Da ta Da.... I got the parallel libraries working on the cluster. I am very happy. You will all be pleased to hear that 10 distributed memory nodes can solve a matrix system (size 10 million by 10 million) approximately 5 times faster than a single node. Wow, I hear you all say. Yeah. My reaction too.

Got asked to do a Jews Brothers gig this Saturday. Told them no. I wasn't brave enough to give them the real reason (which is that they can go fuck themselves). Instead I merely said that Monique was busy. Luke has a new guitar, but God knows where he got the money from. Hate to think. Barry the drummer has a gig every single night (except Sunday) for the next six weeks, so the funk band has gone into an involutary recession. Shit. That's always the trouble. If a musician isn't working a lot they're probably not good enough to cut it, and if they are good enough, they're too busy. One is caught.

14th of November

Hmm.... well.... golly. Was I really so rude to Mary? I didn't think so, but she does. Read her own diary to see her reply. Not a happy camper. I guess I'm more like HGM than I care to admit; I say terribly offensive things without really meaning to. You see, here is my own perspective on what I say:

Natas is a total fuckwit. (This is me being rude, arbitrary, probably unfair, and certainly obscene)
PM are a bunch of wankers (This is me being rude, arbitrary, certainly unfair, but not really obscene)
Althea hangs with a bunch of wankers, but I still like her a lot (This is me being not rude, although unfair (see 2 above))

So, just to set the record straight. I like Althea (as a character) and I both like and respect Mary. She is an excellent roleplayer, and an admirable person (although with a vicious temper, almost as bad as me, hey that was a joke, OK, a joke, hell a JOKE, relax). On the other hand, I detest the philosophy of the PMF. In addition, I consider some members of PMF to be unpleasant people. Other members of PMF are really nice people. I detest the PMF philosophy so strongly I try to avoid interacting with PMF members in game, in any way (when I'm not making fun of them, that is). Out of game, I greatly enjoy chatting to Mary (when I can) or other pleasant PMF members.

I see no inherent contradiction in saying all of the above.

Damn, this is turning into a Mary diary, not a rude math nerd SOB one. Enough already.

		The Knight actually did something in-game, believe it or not. He went to Wisher's gate with a group of other death-defying heroes (shown at left, with the exception of Daimoth, who fell and departed for some unknown reason). This is the noble band at Wisher's Gate. Note the nasty Darshak: we tried to get rid of him but he insisted on tagging along. Of course Sleipy couldn't open Wisher's Gate but he had fun trying and yelling rude words. Or rather, I did. We were all hoping to get through the gate so we could all fall and depart, but it was not to be. Not a real RQ hunt at all, was it? On the way home the two Slyphonics losers have to fall and be dragged home. Lousy bloody roc stars. But it did give us the idea to do a Dead concert. You know, while we're dead. Get it? Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha ha Ha Ha. Ahem... well... never mind. You'll all be grateful if we do, ooo, ooo. Oh yeah. Which means I have to write some more songs. Ack. Not too much time these days for that.

I taught a group of kids how to sail this morning. For my kids' school. What fun. Except that it was blowing a howling gale (beyond the bay it was clocked at 50 knots, and rising). Offshore. Nasty but fun. My kidneys are still complaining about the treatment they received. Same again tomorrow, assuming I can walk.

I have to mark a bunch of scripts. Two assignments were copied one from the other. Photocopied. You could see the photocopy marks. Holy shit, do these guys think I'm a moron? But I'm not allowed to fail them forthwith, only allowed to fail them on that assignment. Never mind, I still have to mark the final exam. I have a nasty suspicion those two students will fail anyway. How sad. I shall weep bitter tears, and mourn the passing of a lost idealism. Ahem.

_{Fine print: it's my birthday today! 87 today!!! Huzzah!}

I had a sudden flash of inspiration while cleaning up after dinner tonight. I thought of the time I met Mary in SF, how pleasant she was, how much fun. How she really tried to connect with me, and how she did. I thought of the tube of hemorrhoid cream she gave me, and how I still laugh when I think of it. I thought of the feeling of meeting a kindred spirit, of how we are, in many important ways, talking the same language. And then I realised that, yes, I had been rude to her, and I felt suddenly ashamed. I didn't mean to be rude, but I was. And I wished my words unsaid.

So I sat down to write this.

I do hereby apologise in full, unreservedly, and somewhat red in the face. I was rude to you, Mary, even if only by mistake, and I'm sorry. I shouldn't brush off the apology with flippancy. I must admit up front that I was rude, and at a time when you are particularly sensitive, because of NG postings. I should take more care in thinking about the effects on others, when I write flippant rudeness here. Because I know, better than most, that words can greatly hurt.

15th November

I've never got along all that well with Aki. Not that I've fought with him or anything, or there's been any bad feeling, it's just that I've barely ever spoken to him in all the years I've been playing. I tried a few times, a long time ago, and got no response at all, not even an acknowledgement that I'd spoken to him. *Shrug* thought I, I'll talk to someone else then. Now, at last, I understand. He hasn't understood a single bloody word of anything I've ever said to him.

It's like that Gary Larson cartoon, you know, the one of the man with his dog. What man says to the dog. What the dog actually hears. Well, this is the CL version:

What Sleipnir says to Aki: Greetings, noble Aki, I hope I find thee in fair and fine health this most pleasant evening.
What Aki hears: Blah blah Aki blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.

No wonder he never responded.

Mind you, in this latest round he was bloody rude to Tove. In my opinion. I'm biased, you all chorus. Yes, I answer, so what? Rude is rude. Correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't I see Tove running round for hours and hours protecting his arse while he explored? Before he joined PM this was. I didn't see a whole lot of gratitude in his latest posts. Ah well, I'm sure there's more here than meets the eye, but it sure looks weird from where I'm sitting.

As for the NG, I really do think that you're pissing against the wind, Tove. You'll never convince people of your point of view. What's the point in trying? HGM will never change. You can only ignore him when he goes all pissy. PM won't change their way of doing things, not for all the discussion in the world. You have to ask whether the effort is all worth it. The only thing you can really do is laugh. (And it's best when you can laugh in such a way as to irritate all the nasty persons. There's a double health benefit there. Your blood pressure goes down once from your own laughter, and then again from that nice feeling of relaxation you get when you've annoyed an annoying person). I'm not saying you're wrong. You know I agree with you (mostly). But minds don't change. When have you ever known rational argument to change a person's mind? It just doesn't happen.

A colleague once said the same thing to me. Scientists never change their opinions, no matter what the evidence. They just get old and die, leaving the new generation to move forward. This is frighteningly accurate.

Related question: if you annoy an annoying person, are you an annoying person yourself (thus deserving of being annoyed) or are you just performing a public service. I incline to the second.

Sailing was cancelled this morning. Gale force winds all night. Nasty.

I made the mistake of reading Alex's diary again. Clothes pegs. Holy fuck. I didn't even have to look at the pictures to get that thrill of disbelieving horror. Actually, while we're on this topic, I got out a BDSM movie from the video shop the other day. Not a porn one (he adds hastily), a real one. A British one actually. I just saw it sitting there and it looked kind of funny. I thought of Alex (godzone truth I did) and picked it up. It was a blast to watch. Quite honestly, before knowing Alex I would have thought the movie over the top, artistic license, a pack of exaggerated half-truths. Now I know it to be an understatement of the reality. Sweet Jesus. But it was a funny movie. Can't remember the title exactly. Two doorbells, one marked Female, the other Male. Press the Female one, the bell rings. Press the Male one, you get an electric shock. You'll remember the movie now, if you've ever seen it.

I watched Quills the other night. Gave me nightmares. Powerful movie, in a disturbing way, with that great line. "Worth the dig". Shep will know all about that I'm sure.

16th November

Cell phones. I hate the fuckers. I really do. I'm not just saying it. Annoying fucking things, used by morons. Out in the inflateable this morning for the sailing class (that's what I do for the sailing class, I zoom round in an inflateable yelling out "Don't let go of the tiller. Push the tiller away. Don't let go of the tiller. Don't let go of the tiller. Don't let go of the tiller, Please don't let go of the tiller.... IF YOU LET GO OF THE TILLER ONCE MORE YOU STUPID LITTLE MORONIC SHITEATER, I'LL COME OVER AND HOLD YOUR STUPID LITTLE MORONIC HEAD UNDER THE WATER, YOU DUMB LITTLE FUCK" etc).

Anyway, what was I saying? Oh yes, cell phones. Out in the inflateable with .... er .... some lady this morning, and guess what. Her cell phone rings. Firstly, what the hell is she doing taking her cell phone with her out in the boat? Secondly, why the fuck can't she just not answer the damn thing? Thirdly, she can take a running jump to hell if she thinks I'm going to sit there quietly while she chats on the phone. So VROOOM goes the outboard. SHOUT SHOUT SHOUT goes James. Glare goes the lady. Stupid bitch, thinks James.

And then, 10 minutes later. It happens again. And then again. And then again. Her damn phone just kept ringing and ringing, and she kept on talking and talking on it, while I kept on making as much noise with the outboard as I could, and shouted as much as I could to annoy her.

Holy shit. I couldn't believe it.

I once had a student come to my office to ask a question. So, I stop what I'm doing (which annoys me to begin with) and begin to help her. Then.... her cell phone rings. Well, OK, I think, not their fault, no problem. Imagine my surprise when the student answers the phone, and then starts to chat on the cell phone, in the middle of my office. Just imagine. Golly, I thought. What a rude student. This is just not cricket, eh what? I turn back to continue working, and when she finishes talking I tell her to leave, that I won't help her any more. Big surprise. Shock, horror. So I pointed out, as politely as I could manage, that if she wants me to spend my precious time helping her, she turns off her cell phone. Try again tomorrow. Now bugger off.

You know, there's a reason people get grumpy as they get older. They are just tired of taking shit from idiots, and don't care any longer about pointing this out. Not to mention that, being older, one gets to a position whence one cannot easily be removed. So, people like you or lump you. 'Cause they sure can't fire you. You can fire them. Ho Ho Ho.

I was, of course, delighted to see a picture of the Slyphonics in the Art contest being run by Goric. Check it out, one and all, and see just how sexy a Knight can be. I'll leave it to you to decide which Knight I'm talking about.

Will the nasty sheep-swiver and the lovely lady come to visit? I DO hope so. But so many people say they will, and then don't. Yes, I'm looking at YOU, Cam. And YOU Pam. And YOU Bob. You know who you are and may ye well hang your heads for very shame.

LIFE is doing a wonderful job. I follow their discoveries carefully, reading all the (bloody hundreds) of LIFE emails, visiting all those interesting places vicariously, cheering on their successes and commiserating (only a very very little) with their departs.

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